How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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