i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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