His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
