He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
