Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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