these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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