3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I died a long time ago.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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