At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
