apparently the secret to your success is patron
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
