youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You may now shotgun with the bride
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
