I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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