i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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