I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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