She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
