I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
