Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
