It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
only if we run a train.
done.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
