I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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