Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
