My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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