fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
