did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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