I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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