O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
