I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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