im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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