Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
