I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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