Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh god it's open bar.
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