This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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