Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
