I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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