i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
