Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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