So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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