I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
