im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
