God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
