i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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