I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
