M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize