I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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