shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
