They should really pass out barf bags in church
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
