Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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