who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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