this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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