There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
