i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
