went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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