Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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