i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why do cheetos always look like penises
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
