Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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