Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
