Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
