Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
