My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
