Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
