So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Everclear isn't food dammit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
