He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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