i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
