make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
