tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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