Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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