Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
