But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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