Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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